Fire Cloud...
An irregular marking on the exterior of Native American pottery: usually resulting from burning fuel coming in direct contact with the vessel during firing

Friday, 5 August 2016

Charlie Don't Surf

Captain Jack Armstrong

I've been watching the presidential candidates and thinking about the power to launch the nuclear triad.

I tested out at the 99th percentile on my Air Force Officers Emotional Stability Quotient (AFOESQ) . I was an Airman Basic in Lackland Air Force Base in 1963 and wanting the Air Force to send me back to college for a degree and a commission under their Airman Education and Commissioning Program. (AECP). They had 100 slots a year and I wanted and got one.

The test took about three hours and had hundreds of questions that were designed to detect lying and inconsistencies. When my orders came through they promoted me to Staff Sargent ( in nine months after enlistment) and sent me to Florida State University to study accounting. They had 99 slots for meteorologists and 2 for accounting.

Some of the questions went like this:
a. My friends usually came to my house.
b. I didn't have many friends.
c. I usually went to my friends houses.
d. I always stayed at home and masturbated.

Often the questions were trickier, but I thought, "How would Captain Jack Armstrong answer this question?". When I graduated from Florida State in 1965, they offered me the chance to be a pilot or a navigator. Since pilots were being killed willy-ninny in Vietnam, I chose the latter occupation.

Jack Armstrong was the "All American Boy" fictional radio character from 1933 to 1951. I caught the broadcasts on our old radio during the program's last three years. No great mental feat to promote him to a being a Captain in the United States Air Force and use him to answer all the questions...What Would Jack Do (WWJD)? Does knowing the right answers mean that I am emotionally stable? So far I haven't gone postal. On the other hand, my cousin has my M-1 carbine up in New York with the two 50 round banana clips taped together so my chances have been very  limited.

Apparently Jack passed the test with flying colors so when Mrs. Phred questions my sanity or asks if I'm depressed I refer her back to my test results...after all how many of us are certifiably that stable compared to the general population of Air Force Officers?

By the way, I recently acquired a t-shit that says "Charlie Don't Surf" over a picture of a young Charles Manson. No matter how many times I explain to Mrs. Phred why this is hilarious...she fails to see the humor...what do you think?

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