Fire Cloud...
An irregular marking on the exterior of Native American pottery: usually resulting from burning fuel coming in direct contact with the vessel during firing

Monday, 29 August 2016

Alarm in the Morning

South of Atlanta

The RV LP gas alarm goes off with a screech at 3:30 AM. That can be caused by a failing alarm, a propane leak, human flatulence, battery fumes or any number of other causes.

Usually you can smell propane due to a chemical odorant (usually ethylmercaptan) which is added as a safety measure. I can't smell anything.

I turn off the propane at the tank, but the alarm keeps going off.

Finally, at 5:30 AM I pull out the alarm and cut the wires.

In case you are wondering about the fish pictures, I thought that pictures of the propane alarm would be too boring.

So these are from a 2006 dive on a wall in La Parguerra, Puerto Rico.

Now just waiting for the sun and thinking about the next move.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Why You Should Avoid Sushi

In a recent study done in Chicago, 100% of the sushi sold as tuna was actually some other fish.

84% of sushi fish samples labeled "white tuna" were actually escolar, a fish that can cause prolonged, uncontrollable, oily anal leakage. Escolar or butterfish is delicious, but is also the ex-lax of the fish family.

Escolar is a type of snake mackerel that cannot metabolise the wax esters naturally found in its diet. These esters are called gempylotoxin, and are very similar to castor or mineral oil. This is what gives the flesh of escolar its delicious oily texture.

As a result, when full portions of escolar are consumed, these wax esters cause gastrointestinal symptoms. Consumption of escolar causes explosive, oily, orange diarrhoea which may be difficult to control while, for example, passing gas in an elevator.

Mrs. Phred lost a tennis shoe when she was washed overboard on a raft trip this June. She lost the right shoe. Today she showed me the left shoe and asked if I thought she should keep it. I told her that I thought she should keep it in case a future foot amputation, but that she should hope that they did not cut off her left foot because then the shoe would be obviously worthless.

 We passed 50 years together a few days ago. I met her at a cast party in Tallahassee. The play was "A Man For All Seasons". This was about Sir Thomas More and his silence with regard to the legitimacy of Henry the VIII's plan to divorce his wife in the hope of siring a male heir. There were other characters like Cardinal Wolsley and Cromwell, but the important thing was that I got to intersect with Mrs. Phred after the play....

Speaking of anal discharges, one of the funniest You Tube videos I've seen recently is a man called "water butt" who lives in Orlando. These are the people who prevailed in the last four presidential elections. I laid in bed last night shaking my belly with silent laughter as I visualised "water butt".

Today I packed all my dive gear in a small carry-on by eliminating my BCD...I can rent a BCD for $50 for the week on Blackbeard's Cruises...that's exactly what checking a bag both ways would cost on Jet Blue and I don't have to wait for luggage. The water temp will be about 80F in Early November in the Bahamas. We will do 26 dives (wall dives, shark dives, night dives).  Today I saw some cool masks that mount GoPro videocams, but at my advanced age I don't think spending another $600 on more dive gear makes that much sense. My old stuff from 1980 still works.

Friday, 5 August 2016

Charlie Don't Surf

Captain Jack Armstrong

I've been watching the presidential candidates and thinking about the power to launch the nuclear triad.

I tested out at the 99th percentile on my Air Force Officers Emotional Stability Quotient (AFOESQ) . I was an Airman Basic in Lackland Air Force Base in 1963 and wanting the Air Force to send me back to college for a degree and a commission under their Airman Education and Commissioning Program. (AECP). They had 100 slots a year and I wanted and got one.

The test took about three hours and had hundreds of questions that were designed to detect lying and inconsistencies. When my orders came through they promoted me to Staff Sargent ( in nine months after enlistment) and sent me to Florida State University to study accounting. They had 99 slots for meteorologists and 2 for accounting.

Some of the questions went like this:
a. My friends usually came to my house.
b. I didn't have many friends.
c. I usually went to my friends houses.
d. I always stayed at home and masturbated.

Often the questions were trickier, but I thought, "How would Captain Jack Armstrong answer this question?". When I graduated from Florida State in 1965, they offered me the chance to be a pilot or a navigator. Since pilots were being killed willy-ninny in Vietnam, I chose the latter occupation.

Jack Armstrong was the "All American Boy" fictional radio character from 1933 to 1951. I caught the broadcasts on our old radio during the program's last three years. No great mental feat to promote him to a being a Captain in the United States Air Force and use him to answer all the questions...What Would Jack Do (WWJD)? Does knowing the right answers mean that I am emotionally stable? So far I haven't gone postal. On the other hand, my cousin has my M-1 carbine up in New York with the two 50 round banana clips taped together so my chances have been very  limited.

Apparently Jack passed the test with flying colors so when Mrs. Phred questions my sanity or asks if I'm depressed I refer her back to my test results...after all how many of us are certifiably that stable compared to the general population of Air Force Officers?

By the way, I recently acquired a t-shit that says "Charlie Don't Surf" over a picture of a young Charles Manson. No matter how many times I explain to Mrs. Phred why this is hilarious...she fails to see the humor...what do you think?