Fire Cloud...
An irregular marking on the exterior of Native American pottery: usually resulting from burning fuel coming in direct contact with the vessel during firing

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

Gator Grabs Naked Crack Smoker

Lakeland, Florida

For reasons not yet fully understood, a naked 45 year-old man who had been smoking crack wandered into a swampy area near Lakeland at 4 AM last evening. His name is Adrian .

He was grabbed by a 12 foot, 500 pound alligator. Deputies wrestled him away from the gator, but not before the gator took a last grip on his buttocks after eating most of his left arm..The gator has since been captured and euthanized, in accordance with State of Florida policy.

To followup on this story, the police found  Adrian's pickup truck late at night over a year later near a place called Saddle Creek Park. A license check revealed that the truck belonged to Adrian, with whom they were familiar, and who they found swimming (naked again) 50 feet offshore in an area well populated with alligator eyes.

Adrian was held briefly at a mental health facility as a possible danger to himself and charged with trespassing,  exposure of sexual organs and creating a nuisance. He failed to appear in court as scheduled after release on a $1,500 bond..

A month later, police found an unidentified human body in the jaws of a gator at Saddle Creek Park, leading them to do a quick wellness check on Adrian.

Adrian has a My Space account. He says if you want to talk about gators, he says that you have to pay him. I'm tempted to open an account so I can just be his friend.

There are two excellent writers who formerly had crime beats on major Florida newspapers and who recognized that the absurd happenings in this State created a rich opportunity for a novelist to write humorous novels about murder, alligators and roadkill.

One is Tim Dorsey, formerly of the Tampa Tribune and the other is Carl Hiaasen of the Miami Herald. Each of these former reporters have a half-dozen excellent novels to their credit, all based in a Florida setting and chock-full of dark absurdities loosely based on real Florida life.

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