Wrestling Alligators

Myakka River, Florida

I bought a black fedora to mask the bad haircut.

Today we rented a canoe to explore the Myakka River. It is estimated that over 1,000 alligators live in Myakka Lake and in the river that flows out of the lake.

The smaller gators slide off the river bank as we pass, like in an old Tarzan movie. The big boys just stare at us even if we pass within two or three feet. Some are about 12 feet long and weigh 600-800 pounds.

The wind is very strong and the river keeps changing direction. We keep getting blown into the riverbank. Mrs. Phred expresses her dissatisfaction with my steering ability.

I decide that I need to rejuvenate her respect so I leap from the canoe to wrestle with a 800 pound, 12 foot gator. We splash and roll in the center of the river. I'm on his back and rub his belly to put him into a cationic, hypnotic state. I ask Mrs. Phred to take my picture with the vanquished gator, but the camera is in the back of the canoe and she is afraid of turning it over. By the time I get back in the canoe, the gator wakes up and submerges.

We see a few swamp birds and stop for gator stew on the way out.