Niagara Falls on the Canada Side

Niagara Falls, Canadian Side.


 

Sometimes songs stick in your mind. I think there may be a word to describe the little musical earwigs that burrow into your brain. Mrs. Phred has been singing the same song in the morning for at least a week and it's got a hold on me too.

Yeah they're out there a'havin' fun
in that warm California sun

Sometimes I'm thinking the lyrics and she bursts into them. It's a little like a computer virus.


We took the off ramp on the Robert B. Moses parkway to get here. As we pulled around the ramp we faced a bridge that said maximum clearance of 12 feet. We pulled over and reviewed our paperwork. Nothing there about height. I think we had a sticker once which Mrs. Phred pulled off and threw away.


We called the manufacturer who first told us 11' 4'. We cranked up to move but then and got a frantic callback saying 12'10' was the real height.I broke out the tape measure and pretty much confirmed that. Then we called the New York highway patrol who arrived with lights and sirens flashing. They told us that there was actually a 13 foot clearance on the bridge if we stuck to the middle.


Next we got a really snotty Canadian border guard. I hate crossing the border either way. You put yourself at the mercy of some officious red-headed nitwit with a pistol on her belt that you wouldn't even have to speak to in a normal business or military situation because they would be about seven notches in talent below anyone you would normally speak to unless they were in an big auditorium listening to your wisdom. Next time I'll do better. It's not all that hard to handle little people. They don't need that much.

The falls were stunning. We went down the elevator to see the falls from the inside and later to a little town called Niagara-on-the-Lake.

Niagara has a lot of casinos, tattoo parlors, massage parlors and "gentleman's clubs"...we call them something else in Key West, but my grandchildren might read this someday...there was a Margarittaville...

In the morning, we leave the RV for a couple of days and check into a hotel in Toronto to poke around a couple of days..

American Beauty

Niagara Falls, New York

My nephew’s wedding is a couple of days away, so we kick back and go into the tourist mode, waiting to attend.


I drink coffee before dawn and notice that I’m surrounded in the RV kitchen by six clocks. They all have wildly different times. I synchronize all the clocks and consider the irresistible, invisible river of time. If you could see your entire life all at once, it would appear to be a long tube of meat oscillating wildly over the face of the Earth, sometimes underwater, sometimes 40,000 feet over the ocean. After conception, my tube spent a lot of time at abdomen level in a munitions factory as my mother’s tube inspected artillery shell fuses. Often the tube hits a weird data point like Bangkok, the Pinacate Desert, Santorini, Saigon or Cebu City.

The now over-weight meat tube is presently camped in Southwest New York, in the Allegheny State Park. New York State Parks are unique. They are beautifully manicured, with old stone buildings, built during the Depression. This one has mountains, lovely lakes and tennis courts (I lose again, but only by 6-3).


This morning, Mrs. Phred soaps up in the shower, just as the fresh water tank runs dry. Her composure is impressive. We drive our home to a water faucet, fill up, rinse her off and get ready for the trek to Niagara Falls, 100 miles away.

The journey winds though farmland and quaint old New York towns. We see Earl’s restaurant after 50 miles and both sense something special about it so we swing about in a fast u-turn for breakfast. They have a collection of autographed white Stetson hats, 78 RPM records and autographed photos from people like Tex Ritter, Hank Snow and Hank Williams. I put a quarter in the jukebox and play “High Noon”.

We decide to see the Falls from the American side. Mrs. Phred has never seen the Falls. The main falls dumps 675,000 gallons a second. We watch that for awhile. The sun and mist kick up strong rainbows. The “Maid of the Mist” boat runs tourists in blue raincoats right up to the Falls on the Niagara River.


The entrance to the Niagara State Park has a seated statue of American immigrant genius Nicola Tesla. The 200 foot drop between Lake Eire and Lake Ontario drew him here for the electric possibilities. Nicola died in New York on January 7, 1943, exactly nine months before I was born in New York.


Something about the falls wants to make you hold hands and watch in awe. A lady asks if we want our picture taken together. We do.


We take the Cave of the Winds elevator tour. I pay with the $25 dollars Canadian that I found in my blue shirt after Dawson and get $3.75 US in change. The Bridal Veil Falls only pumps 70,000 gallons a minute, but you can get right up and rub them in your face. The water feels good, very swimable. We think about the difference in the lake water levels and the inevitability of the Eire Canal as a trade route in a new way. On the drive back home we sing the song several times.

I've got a mule,
Her name is Sal,
Fifteen years on the Erie Canal.
She's a good old worker
And a good old pal,
Fifteen years on the Erie Canal.

If you want to see raw American Beauty, don’t skip this one.

Here is a Niagara Falls slideshow. There are a couple of inadverently funny videos in here.