Turkey Lives Matter

Yellville, Arkansas

 I'm here with hundreds of people who have gathered to witness what has been described as perhaps the greatest turkey event in Turkey Drop Day history. 

All I know for sure is that in a very few moments there are going to be a lot of happy people out here. Now the crowd is... ... the crowd is uh... curious but well behaved. And I think I hear something now. Uh... The crowd is moving out into the parking area. And... oh yes! I can see it now. It's a... it's an... airplane and it's coming this way! 

 It's flying something behind it and I can't quite make it out. It's a large banner and it says H A P P Y... T URKEY DROP... What a sight, ladies and gentlemen. What a sight. The 'plane seems to circling the parking area now. I guess it's looking for a place to land. No! Something just came out of the back of the plane. It's a dark object, perhaps a skydiver plummeting to the earth from only two thousand feet in the air... There's a third... No parachutes yet... Those can't be skydivers. I can't tell just yet what they are but... Oh my God! They're turkeys! 

Oh no! can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! Everyone's running around pushing each other. Oh my goodness! Oh, the humanity! People are running about. The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! 

Folks, I don't know how much longer... The crowd is running for their lives. I think I'm going to step inside. I can't stand here and watch this anymore. No, I can't go in there. Children are searching for their mothers and oh, not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this. I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny. The crowd... 

Dr. Johnny Fever: Phred...Phred, are you there? Phred isn't there. Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Phred. For those of you who've just tuned in, Yellvile Arkansas has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.